Trick or treats
by Aiedail Choupette
Summary: Drabbles and OS about FrostIron. This is stupid, mostly. Third one : "So do you know how baby O2 calls a tree ?" Not beta-ed.
1. In which some might say

**Disclaimer :** _Nothing's min_e.**  
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**This is not beta-ed yet. But it will be :) **

The prompt was : "Everybody thinks they're sleeping together but they just enjoy frienemy flirting; things get confusing when folks accept their relationship"

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**In Which Some Might Say The Trickster is Tricked**

Tony Stark knew about awkwardness. Hell, he was Iron Man ! One of the most brilliant minds he worked with could become a big green thing in a few seconds. His best friend was a man who had seen the war and yet seemed younger than Tony and could probably lift an elephant if he wanted to – but Tony doubted the idea would ever come to his mind. He had seen a couple of professional assassins with cold heart make out in his kitchen – something he was not fond of remembering, thank you very much. And he was acquainted with Norse Gods.

It was their fault, Tony mused as he poured himself a cup of coffee – right next to the spot he had found Clint and Natasha doing things they shouldn't have done together because they were bloody murderers, not teenagers in school uniform. It had all started because of Thor, really. The Golden Boy with the big heart had suddenly decided that his brother was not so evil after all. He had managed to convince his father (Father of All, All Father, whatever) that Loki would find redemption by helping the Avengers. So, Odin, as the father of everything in the universe (not _his_ father as far as Tony was concerned), came to Earth and assured Nick Fury that Loki would be a nice boy. Tony didn't remember a lot of this day, except for the smug smile on Loki's face – Once a Trickster, Always a Trickster – and the face of Odin-Father-of-you-get-it. Damn, the man just looked like Anthony Hopkins – except for the fact that he was missing an eye.

Anyway, Nick Fury gave in (because you just don't want to piss off a guy like Odin) and Loki was on Earth _again._

And then it was even more awkward. Loki wasn't _nice,_ of course. That would have been disturbing. But Thor was (disturbing, not nice). He was always smiling, and then when Loki was around he would, at some point, try to hug him – okay, that was disturbing, but the look on Loki's face was worth it. Thor's behavior should have rung bells in Tony's head when things started to go downhill. It should have, really. But we'll get there. Anyway, with bad guys everywhere, Loki was quite useful. And smart, and fun, though Tony didn't admit it at first. Loki could understand whatever stuff Tony was working on – that was a nice change, since his brother was not the kind of man you could ask for help if you had trouble finding the answer to 2+2. And Loki could dye Natasha's hair blue and still be alive the day after – this was a glorious day, by the way, and Natasha actually looked quite sexy with blue hair.

But Loki was still Loki. Which means he was always pushing Tony's buttons, which was by no means agreeable – even though, according to Thor, it meant Loki actually _liked_ Tony.

Creepy.

Tony took that as a challenge, and it became entertaining, for everybody. Loki was the master of pranks and everything sneaky, but Tony liked to think he was not bad himself.

It was awkward, right ? When you live with so many strange people, it is awkward. But you get used to it. No, no, things got _awkward_, then, like _awkwardawkwardawkward. _AWKWARD. People started whispering things, stupid things. They would see Loki come out of Tony's room while Tony was under the shower and they would whisper about the two of them when, really, all Loki did was throwing Tony's stuff away so Tony had to walk around the place totally naked until Captain gave him clothes – how old was Loki, already ?

They whispered and whispered and laughed and Loki didn't seem bothered. And then, one day, Steve told him "I need to talk to you", and that very sentence led directly to Tony's current situation : hiding from Thor with maximum security around the place.

Steve needed to talk – apparently, since he had known his father, he thought that it was up to him to give Tony The Talk. And Steve being Steve, he went on about how dangerous it was to do that kind of things unprotected, and with a God, and – really, a _God ?_ - and of course he didn't let Tony say anything. If Tony could have talked, he wouldn't fear for his life right now. Because, naturally, Thor had to enter the room while they were having The Talk. Which basically led to Thor yelling "YOU MAN WITHOUT HONOR CANNOT BED MY BROTHER, CANNOT TAKE HIS VIRTUE, THAT WON'T DO, I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN ANYMORE, TONY STARK" and some other things – Thor is a fast learner when it comes to modern dirty words.

The thing is … Well, obviously, Tony and Loki _didn't_ sleep together. They didn't really, and, since Tony had finished his coffee and felt a bit foolish, he was going to explain it to Thor straight away because, honestly, he didn't want to be chased by an angry Norse God anymore. But then, Natasha sat in front of him, eyebrows so high on her forehead they seemed to be ready to fly, and she said :

-We need to talk.

Oh God. _Really ?_

Tony nodded and Natasha crossed her legs.

-So … How's Loki in bed ?

-Are you kidding me ?

She didn't smile – because she didn't do such things as smiling. But it looked just like it. Her eyebrows raised a little bit more and she added :

-Come on, Casanova …

-I can't believe I'm talking about that with you.

-Don't be shy, Anthony-dear. If you really want us to believe that there's nothing going on between the two of you, you should stop with the flirting.

-The flirting ?

Okay, this one was a bit forced. She was right, there _was _a lot of flirting.

At first, it was simply about bantering and having the upper hand. Loki was challenging and sneaky. This is what led to their first mission together. Loki had to introduce himself as Tony's assistant to one of Tony's business partner, in order to charm him and pretend to betray Tony for him. Tony quickly noticed the looks Loki's suit earned him. Both male and female eyes were _devouring _him. And for Tony, it appeared as a new challenge. So … Yeah, they were messing around a little bit. There was always a sneaky comment, a raised and challenging eyebrow, a smirk. Sometimes, their bodies were a bit too close to each other, and Tony could feel Loki's body heat, could feel his ghosty breath on his skin. Sometimes, one's hand lingered a bit too much on the other's body. They were flirting, testing the limits of what could be done and what could not. But they had never crossed the line.

Tony had thought about it, of course, but not that much – until they all started talking about it. The idea was deep in Tony's mind, now, and he would wake up in the morning, panting and sweating, Loki's moans ringing in his ears.

-Listen, I'm not … Tony started.

-You have to stop hiding like a little girl and speak with Thor.

-Come on ! He's going to crush my head with his hammer and then eat it for breakfast !

Natasha snorted and got up. Before she exited the room, she added :

-Grow a pair, Tony.

**OOO**

Thor found him, in the end. In what he thought was going to be the last minutes of his life, Tony wished he had actually slept with Loki.

And the, Thor killed him – but not in the way Tony expected. He opened his arms, and clapped on his left shoulder – and it hurt. And he laughed – a lot and said :

-Even you are easy to fool, Tony Starkson.

-Stark, he corrected.

Wait … What ?

-Of course you can sleep with my brother ! He is no pure maid waiting to be wed.

-You were joking ?

No. No.

-I was indeed. It was very entertaining, but I must not torture you further, for I fear my brother's wrath. Go to him, Tony Starkson …

-Stark.

-... He is waiting.

He left, just like that, and if it weren't confusing enough, the smiling faces of the Avengers appeared through the open door, and Clint even told him :

-Nailing a God … That would request a high-five, Stark.

**OOO**

When Tony join Loki in his room and told him the story, the bastard just laughed his ass off.

-Seriously, Loki, what are we going to do ?

The God looked at him as if he were the stupidest thing he had ever seen.

-We are going to play their game, of course !

-Play their … You mean …

-They are obviously trying to fool with you. They don't _honestly _think we are together. They can't _honestly _think I would make you happy. Or they are even more stupid and naïve than I ever thought someone could be.

Tony agreed on this one. He said :

-So … As soon as they see us in a compromising position …

The Trickster's eyes sparked in a way that would have made Tony run and hide if it had been directed against him. He whispered :

-Natasha is coming.

And then Loki kissed him and … Oh … _Oh_

Good.

Very interesting.

Where did he learn to do _that _with his tongue ?

They were just making out like teenagers and … Wait. No, teenagers didn't put their hands _there _when they were making out – at least Tony hoped so because it would crush his innocence.

Tony found Loki's belt and undid it and suddenly they were both on the bed and Tony never thought that playing a prank to their friends would be so pleasant.

The blood was pounding in his ears but he heard the door open nonetheless and then Natasha squealed – yes, just like a fangirl. She screamed something like and suddenly everybody was here trying to enter the room – and Clint even said "get a room" which was stupid because they were actually already in a bloody room – and that's when Tony just realized they were _happy _and _proud _as if they had just set all this up.

-So they really are the stupidest people I've ever met, Loki muttered, eyes dark and full of – _oh._

And then, the door was closed and Clint screamed :

-I hope you know where to put it, Stark !


	2. Want to join me in my lab ?

Hi ! Im back with a new (stupid) drabble.

**Disclaimer : **_I own nothing._

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**Want to join me in my lab ?**_  
_

"You know" said Tony "I think I like you."

Loki simply raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, so, I'm slightly, _slightly _drunk, I admit it."

Loki crossed his legs.

"Now, don't you go all sassy on me ! Not now while I'm – Oh, by the way, d'you want a glass of whisky ? Wine ?"

Loki didn't move.

"Come _on. _Actually, I like your sass. You're good at being sassy. _You're good with sass._"

Tony took a step closer and stumbled a little.

"Sorry mate, when I work a lot, I drink a lot, and when I drink a lot, it's not a pretty sight."

He sat down on the couch, not nearly touching Loki.

"Sooooo, I was thinking, maybe we could work together. I mean, you're stuck here because Odin said so. By the way, do you know Hopkins ? You know, the actor ? Because he totally looks like Odin. Anyway, I'm stuck here too. And I thought you could be interested in knowing how you killed Coulson without actually killing him, because you know, right know he's pretty much alive. Were you updated on that ?"

Loki sighed. Tony took a chance and leaned in.

"So, what do you think ? You and your sass, do you want to join me in my lab ? I'd like to see how you function."

He stopped here.

"Sorry, maybe that was rude. Dunno. I kinda like the blue thing, though. Thor told me about it. I should probably not talk about Thor now, not a good thing if I want to get you where I want. Does what I say sound as pervert to you as it does to me ?"

He looked around, because maybe now was time to put the bottle down and look serious.

"Tony ..."

"Before you say no, Laufeyson, let me tell you this : I saw you read my stuff !"

He heard a door open and somebody said his name again but now that he was looking at Loki he was pretty sure that didn't come from him. He looked around again. Another Loki, sleeves up, was looking at him from the doorframe of Tony's lab. The one next to Tony disappeared.

"As I tell my brother every single time, _are you never not going to fall for that trick ?_"

He went back to the lab. Tony thought about following him, but he simply laid down on the couch, suddenly feeling how _drunk_ he was.

"You're not supposed to play with my toys without authorization !" He yelled, not to completely lose all dignity.

There was a moment of silence and Loki – or _one _Loki, because Tony could not actually tell if it was the real one – appeared next to him.

"Well, when you're sober, come and play."


	3. So do you know how baby O2 calls a tree

This is pure crack and I regret nothing. Can be seen as the prequel of "in which some might say the trickster is tricked".

**Disclaimer : **I own nothing.

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**So do you know how baby O2 calls a tree ? :**

"Come on, one drink !"

"Tony, I can't." Bruce replied with a sorry smile, his glasses in his hands, trying to clean them up.

"What is the worst that could happen, huh ?"

"I could _hulk out._"

"Yeah, right. Anything else ? Because the big guy is not a good reason enough not to drink."

At that point, Steve pointed out :

"Maybe it's a bad idea, but Tony is ever going to give up on that, so I suggest you have a drink, Bruce."

Bruce sighed, and accepted.

"Good boy."

"Shut up, Stark."

oOo

"So do you know how baby O2 calls a tree ?" Tony asked, swaying more than lightly at this point.

At the other side of the table, Cap' sighed for what could be the millionth time. Bruce, smiling a bit too much, muttered :

"Huh … "

"DADDY !"

Bruce bursted into laughing.

"And do you know how trees call us ?"

"Murderers?" Bruce tried.

"Ex-wives."

Bruce was crying now. He was trying to get up but couldn't, and soon Tony sat down next to him.

Natasha and Clint came in, then.

"Guys, your new toy is here."

Visibly, Tony and Bruce didn't understand until Thor appeared, Loki at his side.

"Oh" Tony muttered. "Right."

He and Bruce shared a look and Tony added :

"Magic."

He raised his eyebrows suggestively and that was enough to make the two scientists collapse on each other.

"What have they been drinking ?" Clint asked.

"Vodka. And whisky." Steve answered with a sigh - again.

Natasha sat down and poured herself a drink, clearly unimpressed by what was going on.

Loki eyed the two scientists for a second before telling his brother :

"Seeing they are visibly not fit for the tests they wanted to run, I shall be in the room Miss Potts gave me."

With that, he disappeared. Clint and Thor shared a look.

Thor sat down next to Clint and whispered - as much as he had the ability to whisper :

"He's pouting again."

Clint replied :

"Man, I would have never guessed your brother could have a crush on Tony of all people. He's even more nuts than what I thought !"

"Do not insult my brother, Eye of Hawk."

"Hawkeye."

"My brother is very wounded by Son of Stark's obvious lack of interest in him."

Natasha snorted.

"Lack of interest ? We're talking about Stark here, the only reason he wants to run tests on your brother is to see him naked."

"Hey, hey, bro, I've got another joke !" Tony yelled.

"What is green, and not nice ?"

"A praying mantis ?"

"LOKI !"

"Close enough" was Steve's only input.

"Captain panties, be sassy again, I like it when you're sassy. Besides, you're already assy, as in ass. Because of your ass, in your pants, so you're assy. Got it ?"

Bruce was laughing so hard he fell of his chair. Natasha's face indicated that, clearly, nothing here was funny, except maybe Tony and Bruce themselves.

"Actually", Thor corrected "by brother is actually blue."

"Blue ?"

Tony clearly hadn't heard of that, yet.

"Oh My God ! Loki is blue ! I wanna see blue ! Naked blue ! Right bro ?"

But Bruce was actually sleeping, so Tony ran out of the room, asked Jarvis for Loki's room and bursted through the door.

"So, you're blue ?"

"I beg your pardon ?"

"Oh you have nothing to be forgiven for, yet. Except for the fact you didn't tell me you were blue. Did I tell you the joke of O2, the tree and the humans ?Bruce LOVED it."

Tony settled down on Loki's bed, nuzzling against the other man's shoulder.

"I'm trying tot read, Stark."

"I can see that. That's boring. Hey, you know what Bruce did when the bad mutant attacked him the other day ? He blew him ! No … Wait … He didn't blow him as in doing a blow job, huh. That would be weird. But, you know, he blew air at him. As in : "go away you puny dust". Awesome, man. So, you're blue ?"

"Go away, Stark."

"Come on, do you want to hear a joke ? It made Bruce laugh so it was cool. Come on. I'm telling you, Bruce loved it. What is green and … Oh wait, not, that doesn't work because you're blue. Are you, though ? I should go and ask Bruce about that."

"Yes, go and _ask Brucie, _Stark."

For a second, there, Tony looked at Loki with serious eyes, as if he was not drunk anymore, but then he said :

"Naaaah, we'll see that tomorrow. But I'd like to see you blue, because you know, I could surprise Bruce with that. That would impress him, for sure. Did you know I'm horny when I'm drunk ? I wanna snog someone, right now."

"Go snog Banner, then."

But Tony gripped Loki's shirt and muttered :

"Now that would be weird. Are you jealous ? You sound like you're jealous. I can snog you, if you want."

At that point, Tony was on Loki, snuggling against him.

"I'm not a pillow."

"Nope. You're better than that. Turn off the lights, please ?"

"Stark …"

"Shut up, or I'm going to sleep with Banner."

Loki sighed and did as he was asked. A long moment of silence followed. And then, as Loki was about to close his eyes and fall asleep, Tony laughed.

"So you _are _jealous. Good."

"Good ? Stark, _good _?"

"Yup."

Tony planted a kiss on Loki's neck, and started snoring.

oOo

"You know what's sad ?" Clint asked.

Natasha, Steve and Thor looked at him expectantly. They all had put Bruce to bed, seen Tony was with Loki, and were now back in the kitchen.

"Once again, Tony will wake up and not remember a thing, and be okay with that, and once again, Loki won't say anything because he's too proud for that, and next time Tony is drunk, he's going to sneak out in Loki's bedroom again, and ramble about Bruce again, and everything will start AGAIN."

"Then we shall do something about it." Thor decided.

The mischievous glint in Natasha's eyes that that, oh yes, they would.


End file.
